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29 December 2007 @ 02:31 am
meme fruit #1.  
For ayray, who wanted a sort of sequel to the divorce settlement, where the other members react to the Kangteuk. This turned out silly, and rather short. Probably works without knowing the original story, too.

the nile
super junior, established kangteuk, ninja!sihan, pg-13. ~500 words.




It took eighteen threats of physical assault from Kangin and one plead from Eeteuk to stop Heechul from making suggestive jokes about it every chance he could get.

*

It took seven occasions of trying to explain Siwon what homosexuality was, and why it necessarily wasn't all that wrong and sinful, and when even at the seventh attempt all Siwon did was smile and nod, “Yes, hyung, I love Jungsu-hyung too!”, Kangin decided to give up.

“It's like some wires in his head don't connect,” Kibum said, staring at Siwon in awe.

“Absolutely incorruptible,” Shindong agreed.

“We'll have Hangeng show him the concept in detail,” Heechul said cheekily.

“What's 'concept'?” Hangeng asked, smiling and looking slightly confused.

*

It took them half a sentence to let Eunhyuk know he should keep quiet about it.

“But I didn't even finish!” Kangin said defensively.

“Shut up, then!” Eunhyuk said, covering his ears. “I don't want to know what Teukie-hyung looks like naked.”

“I wasn't going to tell you,” Kangin said but Eunhyuk was running out of the room by then.

“He always does this,” Sungmin said with a sigh. “When we met he'd convinced himself Australia didn't exist.”

“What, why?” Eeteuk asked.

“Just because he could, probably,” Sungmin replied.

*

It took practically nothing to let Kyuhyun, Shindong and Yesung know about it, and equally little to ask them to keep quiet.

“Next time just lock the door,” Shindong said.

“Yeah, we're really sorry about tha--”

“Just lock the door next time,” Yesung said. Kyuhyun nodded next to him, gazing quietly at the floor.

“We're really sorry,” Eeteuk finished and looked at Kangin.

Kangin was too busy turning red to comment.

*

It took nearly a month to figure out whether Donghae knew about it, and whether he was willing to keep it a secret.

“Did he just..” Kangin trailed off.

“No, he was just talking about food,” Eeteuk said, looking awkwardly around the table.

“I'm pretty sure he was talking about that time I--” Kangin began but Eeteuk glared at him to shut up as Eunhyuk was already pressing his palms over his ears and Heechul was grinning dirtily.

“He's just Donghae,” Eeteuk said nonchalantly. “Maybe it's a Mokpo saying.”

“Yeah,” Heechul agreed, “I'm sure Mokpo natives have lots of sayings about blowjobs.”

Shindong choked on his rice, and nobody said anything for a long while.

*

It took them a year to stop regretting ever letting Kibum know in the first place.

“That knowing smile is worse than Heechul,” Kangin said, sounding defeated.

“Worse than Heechul?” Eeteuk asked. “Really?”

“Really,” Kangin replied. “Well, almost. The point is, he's really annoying for somebody who doesn't speak a lot.”

“He's not that bad,” Eeteuk argued.

“He is,” Kangin disagreed. “He looks all innocent but inside he's a mini-Heechul. So he talks less. Don't let it fool you.”

“You're so paranoid.”

“You're so -- a fag.”

Eeteuk just laughed, and Kangin felt instantly better.

*

It took Kangin 18 years to forget the face Ryeowook made when they broke him the news.




Yeah, Siwon isn't stupid or anything but he may be just a little too innocent, y'know? Aaaand here's a little Hyuk!denial snippet I wrote because uhh, I made him weird for this one.

--

Eunhyuk is really good at pretending that some stuff isn't real. When he was little, he closed his ears completely from any news on North-Korea. It took years for Junsu to make him believe it actually did exist. Eunhyuk doesn't even remember why he convinced himself Australia, North-Korea and kiwi fruit weren't real. He just did, and he could, and then he sort of got into the habit.

So when Sungmin comes into the kitchen grinning one day, and Eunhyuk asks him why he's grinning and Sungmin replies, Eunhyuk is really good at not hearing.

Sungmin just stares. “Hyung, they're together. You know they are. Why do you get all weird about it?”

“It's a secret,” Eunhyuk simply says. It's not real, it's not real, Sungmin didn't just walk in on them making out, it's not real.

“So? We can talk about it amongst ourselves, they know we know.” Sungmin shrugs. “I thought you were cool with it.”

“I am cool with it,” Eunhyuk replies quickly. “It's just. I don't want to know.”

“Suit yourself,” Sungmin says and picks up a magazine from the counter. “Is this like with you and Australia in middle school?”

“What's Australia?” Eunhyuk says, and it takes a while for Sungmin to laugh.

Eunhyuk forces out a chuckle, too, even when he wasn't originally joking.


 
 
 
터미네이터 토끼: {kangin} peacejaded_skys on December 29th, 2007 03:01 am (UTC)
I love you so, so hard. ♥

It took Kangin 18 years to forget the face Ryeowook made when they broke him the news.

That made me picture the most sad face ever on poor little Wook's face, like learning the Easter Bunny isn't real, or that there's no such thing as a tooth fairy. Such loss of innocence.

“Maybe it's a Mokpo saying.”
“Yeah,” Heechul agreed, “I'm sure Mokpo natives have lots of sayings about blowjobs.”



ajdhjfdlhfajdshfkja ♥
터미네이터 토끼: {kangin} peacejaded_skys on December 29th, 2007 03:02 am (UTC)
Also, omgwtf first?! \o/
come together // nevermind the fuckin' weather: studious && propertongzhiai on December 29th, 2007 11:46 am (UTC)
I'm always unsure when it comes to Ryeowook characterization but what you described fits him so perfectly I'm glad I left it sort of ambiguous like that.

Thank youuu.
thank you for letting me wear your underwear.: Kangin Smokin' Hotvanillacat on December 29th, 2007 04:59 am (UTC)
OH WOOKIE. For some reason that one made me laugh the most. That and what's-a-homo!Shiwon. AND DONGHAE TOO, OMG. You did them so perfectly. ♥

... This kind of makes me want to write "KangTeuk are making a lot of noise in the bedroom and Ryeowook is in the family room, rocking back and forth on the couch, eyes wide in horror" fic. D'awwww.
come together // nevermind the fuckin' weather: it doesn't rain on shihantongzhiai on December 29th, 2007 11:48 am (UTC)
I'd write that but hell I already feel like I'm fast making a cliché out of people being traumatized by seeing Kangteuk in action. :P

Thanks. :)
thank you for letting me wear your underwear.: Kangin Polariod Memoriesvanillacat on December 30th, 2007 02:55 am (UTC)
I had a somewhat similar experience for a [brief] period of time when two of my best friends thought they were lesbian for each other (Oh, the teenage years) and damn, that was AWKWARD. So I suppose I can sympathize a bit with what the rest of SuJu experienced. 8D

If only I could write worth a damn. I'll give it a shot eventually, just because Ryeowook is the most adorable little baby boy, but no guaruntees on quality. :[
come together // nevermind the fuckin' weathertongzhiai on December 30th, 2007 12:05 pm (UTC)
Aw, if that was awkward for you, must've been even more akward for them to realize maybe they weren't really *that* into each other. ;D
たとえ離れても 心はそばにいるよ: the girlhappiestwhen on December 29th, 2007 05:03 am (UTC)
“He looks all innocent but inside he's a mini-Heechul. So he talks less. Don't let it fool you.”

omg somehow this just made me squeal with delight. maybe because i imagined an actual mini-heechul. like an action figure... like-- ok, i'll stop. this was so funny and cute and i love how you included everyone and your heechul (and his whole two lines of dialogue in this) continues to pwn me. also kibum and hyuk. and i hope siwon keeps being so hysterically naive about everything, it is greattt. :DDD ♥
come together // nevermind the fuckin' weathertongzhiai on December 29th, 2007 11:51 am (UTC)
Kibum would so carry one. Then it'd break and he'd slip it into Shindong's coat pocket and Shindong would accidentally take it out in front of Heechul and Heechul would be like WTFFFF and "why do I only have one arm?" and Shindong is all "wtf I honestly have no clue" and Heechul gets all *suspicious* and well, blah blah blah you know, ghei happens.

I think EHB (omgomgomg when is that DBSK ep coming out? squeeeee) has reshaped my idea of Siwon like this. His reaction to everything just seems so friggin' pure.
come together // nevermind the fuckin' weathertongzhiai on December 29th, 2007 11:52 am (UTC)
Xeniaayray on December 29th, 2007 09:55 pm (UTC)
Just so you know... I'm reading it now, and it is 0:53 of 30th of December here, and it's the biginning of my birthday, and that's the best present EVER! I'm so happy, you can't even imagine!
Xeniaayray on December 29th, 2007 10:01 pm (UTC)
...and I see some spells in the post above... ahem.
come together // nevermind the fuckin' weathertongzhiai on December 30th, 2007 06:14 pm (UTC)
Heee happy birthday! Glad you enjoyed it. ^^
Xeniaayray on January 9th, 2008 05:53 pm (UTC)
Remember I told that my sister translated the most chapters of Prison!AU? Well, she still had not finished, but she translated "the divorce settlement", and I was beta for that work, and I swear we did great job, I'm really proud of it =)
And I'm sorry, because I should have asked for your permission beforehand, but... here is the link for the translation.
In the comments they pee with boiling water because the fic is just that great =))))
LINK: http://lalaif.diary.ru/?comments&postid=39573611
come together // nevermind the fuckin' weathertongzhiai on January 9th, 2008 06:51 pm (UTC)
Nah it's okay. If this was a stranger I might be upset but since it's you guys, I'm okay with it. Now I'm just google translating it back to English and laughing at the result. Google Translate fucks up so royally or then Russian phrases just sound funny in English. Like at one point it said "Teukie even slept with his door naked." ...what? XDDD. I'm sure the trans is great, though, just amused at the eng->rus->eng translation. XDDD
Xeniaayray on January 9th, 2008 07:09 pm (UTC)
... sittin' here with my sister trying to remember the moment which by any means could... could... it be? Oh, the great and mighty Russian language (c) L.N.Tolstoy =)))
...with door... damn, kinky!
come together // nevermind the fuckin' weathertongzhiai on January 9th, 2008 07:11 pm (UTC)
Another gem: "he tilts Tyuka to sex and raises back. Laughter Tyuka trembling with breast Kangina when they hugged, and this, too, was strange."

I wanna tilt Teukie to sex, too! :D
Xeniaayray on January 9th, 2008 07:20 pm (UTC)
Okay, "Tyuka" is because of declensions in Russian, we add different endings to words in different grammatic cases. And this wonderful phrases... did I mention that we can put words almost in any possible way in the sentence? I mean, subjects, predicates, attributes, etc. in any possible sequence... Google can't do this =))))
come together // nevermind the fuckin' weathertongzhiai on January 9th, 2008 07:23 pm (UTC)
We do both of those in Finnish. The word order can be more or less anything but the emphasis changes. :)
Xeniaayray on January 9th, 2008 07:24 pm (UTC)
Yes, just like that. Can have diametrically different meanings =)
Xeniaayray on January 9th, 2008 07:23 pm (UTC)
oh... and sex (like male/female, not the process) and floor is the same word in Russian =)))
the color is rainbowfivil on January 9th, 2008 07:24 pm (UTC)
Oohh yeah I figured it was something like that.

EDIT: shit, used wrong journal to reply. Oh well. :P

Edited at 2008-01-09 07:25 pm (UTC)
Xeniaayray on January 9th, 2008 07:28 pm (UTC)
*warily* is that you? o.O"
My favourite phrase is: "Yes no, possibly". In fact, it means "I guess, no", but foreigners take fright at that phrase =)
the color is rainbow: andy-ah! //cute guy if by cute means hotfivil on January 9th, 2008 07:31 pm (UTC)
It's me on my personal, no dirty kpop fic journal. :D

Hee. In Finnish colloquial language we say "joo ei", which basically means, "I think not!" but literal translation is "yeah no".
Xeniaayray on January 9th, 2008 07:35 pm (UTC)
brotherly nations =) we think by the same categories =)
by the way, we are neighbours - Russia is big, but I live in St.Petersburg =)
the color is rainbow: i secretly married this guy //hyukjaefivil on January 9th, 2008 07:36 pm (UTC)
I've been there. ^^; Lovely city. From here you can even go there by train, of course visas are always a hassle.
Xeniaayray on January 9th, 2008 07:41 pm (UTC)
Yes, lovely =)
My boss has dacha in Finland and i LOVE when he goes there, because than I have more time for reading fanfiction at workplace *^______^*
Xeniaayray on January 14th, 2008 12:21 pm (UTC)
Hi there again =)
Can I translate this fic, please? *_____*
actually, I've already did, so this is more 'can I post it, pretty please?
come together // nevermind the fuckin' weathertongzhiai on January 14th, 2008 12:25 pm (UTC)
Sure, why not. :)
man, I think that midget stripper game me herpes: Shihae Hotnessfading_sun_sock on December 30th, 2007 11:10 pm (UTC)
oh my god oh my god this was so cuute! I think I liked the Donghae/Kyuhyun/Yesung/Shindong ones the best because um: “Yeah,” Heechul agreed, “I'm sure Mokpo natives have lots of sayings about blowjobs.” *dies*

You do not even know the many ways ILU♥

And sorry, but--Siwon! His reactions to everything *cough*EHB*cough* are so HILARIOUS! And his reaction here was just so pure and sweet and--kslajdfkajs there should be something about Hannie corrupting him although in this he seems pretty innocent too...
come together // nevermind the fuckin' weathertongzhiai on January 5th, 2008 10:21 pm (UTC)
LOL, yes. EHB has shaped my Siwon characterization so much. He's just so ...pure. :D

Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.
tyrelingtyreling on January 25th, 2008 03:35 am (UTC)
♥ 8D All equally lovely. Ahaha! Siwon is so, so, innocent. Reminds me of the silly expressions he made when he's confused.

“Yeah,” Heechul agreed, “I'm sure Mokpo natives have lots of sayings about blowjobs.”
this was seriously BRILLIANT~! Brilliant! *dies*

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ *draws more hearts*
come together // nevermind the fuckin' weathertongzhiai on January 25th, 2008 10:27 am (UTC)
Siwon totally is.

Hee, thank you.
tyrelingtyreling on January 25th, 2008 07:35 pm (UTC)
It makes me just go "uughhh, Siwonnie ♥ let Hannie teach you ♥♥♥" XDD

*excessively draws some more*
box_turtle on April 12th, 2008 05:39 am (UTC)
wow, you're a really good writer. i really like what i've seen of your stuff so far. :D i know this sounds kind of weird, but you have a fanclub in China, and one of my friends (who happens to be part of that fanclub) recommended your kangteuk fanfics to me. i haven't read english fanfiction in a couple of years, and i'm really glad i read yours. :)
come together // nevermind the fuckin' weathertongzhiai on April 12th, 2008 08:28 am (UTC)
My fanclub ...in China?! Holy crap! Link plz?

And glad you enjoyed it. :)
box_turtle on April 12th, 2008 07:34 pm (UTC)
http://niushi.5d6d.com/bbs.php

it's a site for fanfiction and other stuff, but they've created a board just for your fics. they were also wondering if they could translate some of your fics into chinese, because not everyone understands english very well. they'd come here and post on your LJ too, but they have trouble getting onto the site. the board with the bear that's holding the sunflower and saying HI! is the one that they use to discuss your fics.

bit of a warning, though: if you're going to use an online translator to translate some of the things on this site, it might not make sense. a lot of them are really good writers, so they use a lot of figurative language and other fun stuff.

it's really not as weird as it sounds. .___.
have fun!
come together // nevermind the fuckin' weathertongzhiai on April 12th, 2008 08:01 pm (UTC)
OMG. I'm so honored and amazed my fics would inspire you guys to set up a sub-forum and everything. Wow!

I joined but it's not letting me view the forum (Google translate says I'm not part of the right user groups or something). Dammit. :(

FYI, my username on the board? 'iamhonored' :P